Sexual Affection [Contemporary Cowboys 3] (Siren Publishing LoveEdge) Page 5

  “Let’s see here.” He twisted his lips and acted like he had to really think about it. She rolled her eyes. Of course he didn’t know how long they’d been together. What man would keep up with such nonsense, especially one with the burden of straightening out his family’s once-illegal operations?

  “Four months, five days, and a few hours either way.”

  She blinked.

  “You’re impressed. Admit it.”

  “Hmm,” she muttered, convinced now that anything the man said or did would make her want him all the more.

  He nodded his head in a take-that fashion and said, “It’s been the best four months, five days, and a few hours either way of my career.”

  “Your career?” She twitched her nose.

  “My career as a man.” He went to his dresser instead of meeting her at the bed. “Do me a favor and close your eyes.”

  “Zak, maybe we should—” She wanted to talk openly and honestly. She didn’t want them to have secrets and she didn’t mind telling him she was attracted to his brother. She’d seen Dallas around for several years and surely he’d mentioned her to Zak, or had he? Had Dallas realized the woman he’d often gaze groped was the woman who spent so much time with his brother?

  “Just close your eyes. It’s not as bad as you think.”

  “But you said last night that you wanted to make an honest woman out of me.”

  “Said it again a few minutes ago, but you won’t give me time to discuss it so now I need to do that.” He waved his fingers in her direction. “Just close your eyes. I promise it will be painless.”

  Her heart was fluttering out of sync. She couldn’t believe they’d come this far without a sexual tryst and he was about to propose marriage! She thoughtfully considered what this meant. It meant putting up with his brothers, and she hadn’t even met all of them yet. It would mean combining households. With Gemma spending more time at the McDowells, Brianna already living with the Jacksons, and Coco staying full time at the Blaziers, wouldn’t it make more sense to stay at her place? They would have their privacy and what newlyweds didn’t want time alone?

  Then again, the Feds believed her place was pretty dangerous all things considered. Her father had beaten the mob out of millions and millions of dollars. His enemies had already tried to exert revenge a few times. If her cousin Kane hadn’t been trying to keep a handle on her father’s whereabouts and his affairs, well…she shuddered to think where she and her sisters would be now.

  Probably dead.

  She jolted forward at the thought and shivered even more when a drawer opened and closed. A door creaked or maybe it was the floor. The farmhouse, while recently restored from what Coco had told her, still had some vintage characteristics.

  Drina, like her sisters, had lived in the shadows of her father’s business. All of them were often spooked by things that would seem inconsequential or even silly to other people. Then again, most people hadn’t dealt with the mob. Just last year, her father’s enemies had sent a man named Handsome to stalk Brianna. Her sister had slept with him and he’d damn near killed her. There were other incidences, too, but she didn’t want to think about those now.

  At the moment, she wanted to think happy thoughts.

  Drina took a deep breath and tried to steady her trembling hands. She and Zak would need to discuss their living arrangements. She wasn’t sure she wanted to jump right into the fire there at the Blaziers’ place. Illicit fantasies ran through her mind by the half dozen. Dallas and Hales were part of those thoughts and she quickly pushed them aside. She was one hundred percent all in with Zak so sexual thoughts about his brothers didn’t make sense.

  Yes, they should definitely stay at her house if a commitment was on the table. Sure, they might face unexpected dangers, but at least she wouldn’t have to worry about adultery. In a family like the Blaziers, a woman could definitely find a few temptations down the hall in one bedroom or another.

  She shook off that intrusive idea, but quickly decided it was too risky to ask Zak to stay at her place. She never wanted to put his life in danger and regardless of the quiet and calm weeks in the recent past, her place would never be safe.

  Come to think of it, she’d slept soundly there at the Blaziers’ home. She’d fallen asleep in Zak’s arms feeling a little agitated because of the lust, but she’d slept without fear. She hadn’t been afraid to close her eyes, terrified she might wake up with a knife at her throat.

  Another drawer slammed across the room and she jumped. “Quit thinking so hard. I see those lips twisting and your hands trembling. Trust me. Everything will be okay.” He paused. “And keep your eyes closed.”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  “Hmmm, now I like the way that sounds.”

  “I bet you do.” That was another thing they hadn’t really discussed and she couldn’t understand why. From what she’d been told, Zak once played frequently at Paddles and Picnics. She’d heard he’d taken submissive women for play sessions, but supposedly hadn’t had a serious relationship. He was apparently active in the lifestyle, too, but she hadn’t seen that side of him.

  They’d had normal run-of-the-mill typical dates. And now he wanted to marry her?

  She took another huge breath and slowly released it. At times like these she wished she’d gone to yoga class with Gemma. She could use a few calming techniques at the moment. Instead, her angst gained the best of her.

  Her heart hammered against her chest cavity and her stomach rumbled. She was aware of the perspiration at her pits and was tempted to lift her arm and sniff, just to be sure she’d remembered to put on deodorant.

  “Don’t open your eyes yet.” He knelt in front of her. “All right. Here’s the way this is going to go. I’ve rehearsed this so let me say everything I want to say before you give me an answer. Okay?”

  She nodded.

  “That’ll do for now, but later we’ll chat about nods and headshakes. You can open your eyes now.”

  Chapter Five

  Her eyes sparkled like new money, the silver from the collar reflecting in her beautiful green eyes. Her lips quivered and she kept parting them and taking deep breaths. After a few barely audible whimpers, she said, “I’m trying to be patient here. You said to let you speak before I give you my answer.”

  “I did. Didn’t I?” The expression on her face had rendered him speechless. There was a part of him that had worried how she might interpret the collar. Another part of him wondered whether or not she’d feel cheated in some way.

  Zak had said he wanted to make an honest woman out of her and he hadn’t even thought about how she might have interpreted the offer. Had she hoped for a marriage proposal? Had she known he wanted to take their relationship from what appeared to be very vanilla into a substantial Dom-sub relationship?

  “Can I touch it?” she asked, jerking him from the thoughts he should’ve considered before he had mentioned making an honest woman out of her.

  “In a minute,” he said, bringing her outstretched fingers to his lips. After brushing each one with a kiss, he placed her hand on her knee, a knee now visibly trembling as much as those beautiful slender fingers, fingers he had wanted wrapped around him the night before, fingers he’d longed to let explore, tease and caress. It had taken his will and every ounce of determination he owned to wait for a more meaningful moment.

  “Drina…” Now he needed a minute to catch his breath. He even had difficulty keeping his own eyes dry as he tried to keep his tears at bay. He studied the woman he loved, the woman he wanted completely, the woman he wanted to eventually own in every fathomable way possible. “I want you to be certain if you accept this collar and that’s why it’s important for me to explain the meaning.

  “Some Doms use collars of consideration, one they often give to a potential sub in the early stages of their relationship. It’s worn for a specific agreed upon time and isn’t considered a lifetime commitment.” His voice was shaking. He couldn’t do anything about that no matter how
hard he tried or how much he stalled in between his words so he continued. “When we first met, I thought about a collar of consideration.” A dry chuckle escaped his lips. “I thought about it often actually, but you know how our relationship has developed and there were times when it made sense, but other times when it didn’t. We were under scrutiny and rarely had time alone anyway so I decided to wait until I was sure.” He stopped rambling. That wasn’t entirely the case. There was a bigger reason he hadn’t offered her the collar and it had nothing to do with him. “I wanted to wait until I was pretty sure you would accept.”

  Her chest rose and fell. “I’m sure.” Her words were like a song, so softly delivered he wasn’t even sure she’d spoken them.

  Zak continued then, more confident than before. She’d said she was sure. Hadn’t he expected her to accept all along? They were good together. They had a great relationship, open and honest communication and it had been that way since day one.

  “This collar is a symbol of my love. It is a training collar and I want you to understand that going into this phase of our relationship.” He studied her face, searching for any hint of what she might be thinking. She only seemed more mesmerized as he spoke to her, as he explained the meaning of the collar he wanted to place around her neck. “To put it in layman’s terms, this particular collar would be comparable to an engagement ring in the vanilla world.”

  “But we’ve been living a vanilla life, like you said.” She looked slightly confused.

  “Yes, but you knew early on that’s not who I am.”

  “Have I disappointed you in some way, made you feel like I wasn’t open to your life and the things you enjoy?”

  “God, no,” he said, almost too quickly. “You’re perfect. Everything between us has been perfect so far.”

  Her smile warmed his heart and gave him more courage than ever before. He knew how she felt about him. Their feelings for one another mirrored the other.

  “I want you to accept this gift and wear it all the time, not just in private, but in public, too. I want everyone to know you belong to me, that our relationship is one geared toward a long-term commitment. By accepting, you agree we’re devoted to one another. I want to educate you about the lifestyle but as we move into what will be a training stage, there are ground rules to set and things to discuss.

  “For example, you are in every way imaginable a reflection on me. When you’re in public, how you act and how others perceive you shows the world what kind of training you’ve received from me. I want our relationship to be honest and open at all times, but in saying that, I want you to trust that I’ll always keep your best interest in mind. I have no desire to pursue other submissives and I won’t. Those days ended the first time I saw you.”

  “For me, too.”

  He hesitated. Had he misinterpreted how she’d responded to Hales and Dallas? Had he introduced them too late or would she willingly accept them at his request? After a brief silence, he said, “There’s something I want you to consider for me. It isn’t a condition of wearing this collar, but something I want you to think about when we begin setting soft and hard limits.”

  “What are those?”

  “It’s a way we determine whether or not you’ll be open and receptive to certain activities within our relationship.”

  “You want me to play with other Doms.”

  “I…” His first instinct was to immediately say that’s not what he had wanted to discuss first, but she’d obviously picked up on his need to bring in another play partner for her. “It’s something to consider, yes. We don’t have to discuss it right now.”

  “Can we discuss who?”

  “You already have someone in mind?” Now this wasn’t going according to his plan. He didn’t want their special moment to be overshadowed by the discussion of playtime with others, unless of course, she was ready to tell him she’d willingly accept his brothers.

  “I’m sorry,” she said, cupping his cheek. “I just thought that…”

  “Go on. We have to be open and honest with one another, Drina. You need to trust me completely if you accept and wear my collar. Yes, we have a lot of boundaries to set, soft and hard limits to discuss, punishments and rewards, even your safe word. Everything we do for the next few weeks will be with your training in mind.”

  “You’re die-hard about this, aren’t you?”

  “Where you’re concerned, yes.” And it scared him to death. He’d played with submissives in the past, given them those cheapo disposable collars during dungeon parties in larger cities, but he hadn’t taken things this far. He’d never wanted to go this far with anyone else. He’d never considered ownership but now he was all in and he wanted her to realize it from the start. “Eventually I want to own you.”

  “You want to own me? You mean my heart?”

  “I mean you,” he said, unhooking the collar from the jewelry box. “The center infinity symbol is there for a reason. It means limitless, endlessness, impossible to measure or calculate—that’s what I feel for you, Drina. My love is endless. I want to spend my life with you so I had the collar designed by a jeweler in town in hopes that later we can go back to him and add an ownership tag on the back of the piece. Then you’ll know—everyone will know—you’re mine. You are owned completely and irrevocably only by me.”

  “But you want to share me.”

  She was still stuck on that? Well, fuck. Apparently, he needed to go ahead and put it out there and maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing. He had to consider her sisters and their relationships. She wasn’t exactly green in the lifestyle arena.

  “Do you find Dallas and-or Hales attractive?”

  “You’re asking me this now?”

  “You seemed interested to know what I had in mind for you, and I want to answer every question you have so you’ll feel good about the start of our training period and understand our relationship better.”

  “Hales looks so much like you…of course I find him attractive.”

  “He and I are very different.” And not in a good way, but he wouldn’t elaborate on that. “What about Dallas?”

  “Have you already talked about me to Dallas?”

  “Yes.”

  “What did you say?”

  “Is it important to you?”

  “Yes.”

  He took a deep breath. “He knows I want to watch you fuck him before I take you for myself.”

  “What?” The word fell from her lips as if it were dropped on the ground at his feet. “Why?”

  “In many ways I’m a masochist. That said, I would never hurt you. Do you believe me?”

  “Yes, but I don’t understand why this would be something you’d want.”

  “For me, it’s a mind-fuck. I get off on it.”

  “You would ‘get off’ on watching your brother fuck me before you do?”

  “Absolutely and it’s not because I want you less than you maybe want me but it’s because it will make me want you all the more.” If she was as crazy about him as he believed, she too, would want him with a crazier kind of lust.

  “Then why not put me with Hales first?”

  “That’s too easy. You and Dallas will be better suited anyway. Trust me.”

  “You’re asking me to take a huge leap of faith.”

  “But not without guidance,” he reminded her. “I’ll be with you every step of the way.” He was taking that same leap of faith.

  He unhooked the choker. “Will you be mine, Drina Baldini?”

  “Will you be mine, Zak Blazier?” she asked, a little play in her voice.

  “I’ve been yours since the day I first saw you dance.”

  “And I’m yours. However, wherever, whenever, or with whomever, I suppose,” she said, grinning at the last part.

  “Stand up and turn around.”

  She did as he asked.

  “Hold up your hair.”

  He slipped the choker around her neck, hooking the latch and having a déjà vu moment. Soon, he
would place a small lock on the clasp with an ownership tag to boot. He reached around her neck and ran his fingers around the links and the infinity emblem in the center.

  Then, he took her hair and lifted it higher away from her neck, loving the softness of the silken strands brushing over the backs of his hands. He kissed her nape and enjoyed watching the goose bumps as they scattered along her flesh. “You’re mine.”

  “Yes,” she said, turning to face him. “But when will I really be yours?”

  “That depends on you and how well you advance through your training program.”

  “You’re really not going to seal this moment with a legendary fuck or some afternoon lovemaking or—”

  He kissed her then and caressed her lips with his whisper. “Soon.”

  Chapter Six

  “So there you have it.” Drina reined in her mount and waited on her sister to catch up to her at the river. “Start to finish. That’s how it all went down.”

  “Are you nervous?” Coco asked.

  “A little,” she said, sliding off the roan mare she’d been riding.

  Coco followed suit, dismounting and giving her horse enough leeway to walk down to the river for a drink of water.

  They sat on the riverbank and kept loose reins on their horses, watching them as they grazed. There was so much Drina wanted to ask Coco but she wasn’t sure what Zak would want her discussing with her sister. He’d already told her Coco’s relationship with his brothers was much different than what he wanted with her.

  “He wants me to fuck Dallas.”

  “You’re kidding me.”

  “No,” she said, a little disturbed but also turned on by the idea.

  “He’s easy on the eyes,” Coco said. “And I actually walked in on him about a year ago. He had a gal pinned to the wall fucking her until she screamed for mercy.”

  “Sounds like a real champ,” Drina muttered, not thinking so at all.

  Coco laughed. “Trust me. I’m anything but traumatized by the event.” She let go of an ear-piercing whistle. “God bless. I believe I could even do Dallas. He’s got one fine ass. I told Brandon about it.”